It’s been a while since our first discussion thread, which concerned pet stories. I return today with another question which has been on my mind lately, especially after reading
For me, I think the realization that I had become an adult came when I accepted the reality that my time is limited now, and all the joyful things I used to be able to do whenever (and for as long as) I wanted—reading, playing video games, watching movies etc.—have to be strictly scheduled, and in much smaller chunks of time than before.
How about you? When did you realize you had become an adult?
I feel that I’m starting to come out of a transition period to adulthood. I think taking care of my cats and finishing up my degree(s) is a big step in that direction.
Once I brought the cats in, I realized now that I have to take care of two more beings other than myself, I needed to start becoming more fiscally responsible and start saving up so I can give them their best life. I’m not responsible enough to take care of other humans full time, but I can take care of two animals whom I can spoil and love just as well. Also talking with my boyfriend and us realizing that we do indeed want to move in together, so also allowing myself to share responsibilites with another human instead of taking everything on myself.
That's similar to what I've experienced. Moving in with my (then) girlfriend, and then getting married, and after that adopting our cat (literally picking him off the street), these things have made a real difference in the way I see and feel about myself.
Your question about becoming an adult also brought up a pleasant, warm funny memory for me.
At a museum I worked at before moving, I had three elderly visitors who looked to be in their late 50’s to early 70’s. Two women and one man. While I checked them in, we started having pleasant small talk, and I asked them, “Wise elders, I wonder if you can answer this question. What does it mean to adult?” All of us burst out laughing, and they said, “When we know, we’ll let you know!”
I don’t know if I’ll ever run into them again, but I hope that I remember that answer should someone asks me what it means to adult🤣😂
I love this! This is what I'm talking about. It's such a perplexing question, and the fact that people in their seventies don't know how to answer it gives me hope! I've got fifty years left to discover what it means to adult!
It happened to me when I got my first salary from the job I had trained for years to learn. I realised that I could support a proper family - wife, kids, dogs, the whole shebang- with my skills only, no subsidises involved from anywhere.
Jul 22, 2023·edited Jul 22, 2023Liked by Andrei Atanasov
When I emerged from my 5th rehab and was finally sober, and realized that I had drunk away the last ten years of my life, and now I was 68 and my time left was limited. It was scary. Ironically, it has made me more selfish and less willing to dutifully do things that I hate like weddings.
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you went through all of that, but it seems things are better now. So your definition of an adult is tied with taking responsibility for your actions, right?
Perhaps. It definitely has to do with responsibility. Of this, at least, I'm sure. Now, maybe that responsibility can come in many forms, or maybe there are some kinds of responsibility which lead more towards maturity than others. I know that as soon as I started picking up various responsibilities and seeing to completion tasks related to these responsibilities with nothing but my own capabilities, my confidence really grew and I started to feel like I had what it takes to face the world on my own.
Exactly. NOTHING else will catapult you into growing the F up faster or more fully. When we brought our first child home from the maternity ward I remember a mixed sense of joy and dread. I sat beside him in sheer panic mode that I was now forever going to have my heart and soul locked into this tiny persons every breath. I understood how the weight of all the rest of my life was now intrinsically woven into another person. If I was to stay wed to his father or not, I was and would always be his mother.
I remember freaking out that he might stop breathing to the point that I would get up to be sure. I also learned how having pets is a distant second to becoming a parent. I learned also though that this new career as a mom would push every button, test every aspect of my character and was the hardest thing I ever had or would have to undertake.
He bought his own first house a few years ago and was married to his high school flame just last month. I kind of encouraged him to pop the question for two reasons: they are in their mid twenties and if she’s not the one he should let her know and since they both put all they had in time and savings into getting the house I thought it only fair that she have the shared legal authority to that investment.
Those changes made me feel proud but also a bit sad. No matter what happens, I remain his mother.
At no time during the past 28 years of being a mom did I achieve perfection. Turns out they don’t come with instructions, nothing goes the way you envision, it’s way harder than you think it will be but gives you unbelievable joy. I recall moments where I felt such deep love and joy that I thought all of life’s foibles were well worth any temporary agony they caused just to have that perfect moment.
If you don’t have kids but love a pet, multiply that by infinity and then you’ll begin to grasp the terrible, wonderful, draining yet fulfilling aspect of parenting.
Spoiler alert: you get to relive being a child through them too.
I’m turning 60 this year and I’m not done adulting yet.
#neverdoneadulting
I feel that I’m starting to come out of a transition period to adulthood. I think taking care of my cats and finishing up my degree(s) is a big step in that direction.
Once I brought the cats in, I realized now that I have to take care of two more beings other than myself, I needed to start becoming more fiscally responsible and start saving up so I can give them their best life. I’m not responsible enough to take care of other humans full time, but I can take care of two animals whom I can spoil and love just as well. Also talking with my boyfriend and us realizing that we do indeed want to move in together, so also allowing myself to share responsibilites with another human instead of taking everything on myself.
That's similar to what I've experienced. Moving in with my (then) girlfriend, and then getting married, and after that adopting our cat (literally picking him off the street), these things have made a real difference in the way I see and feel about myself.
Your question about becoming an adult also brought up a pleasant, warm funny memory for me.
At a museum I worked at before moving, I had three elderly visitors who looked to be in their late 50’s to early 70’s. Two women and one man. While I checked them in, we started having pleasant small talk, and I asked them, “Wise elders, I wonder if you can answer this question. What does it mean to adult?” All of us burst out laughing, and they said, “When we know, we’ll let you know!”
I don’t know if I’ll ever run into them again, but I hope that I remember that answer should someone asks me what it means to adult🤣😂
I love this! This is what I'm talking about. It's such a perplexing question, and the fact that people in their seventies don't know how to answer it gives me hope! I've got fifty years left to discover what it means to adult!
It happened to me when I got my first salary from the job I had trained for years to learn. I realised that I could support a proper family - wife, kids, dogs, the whole shebang- with my skills only, no subsidises involved from anywhere.
That’s beautiful. I’m still waiting for that moment myself😂
When I emerged from my 5th rehab and was finally sober, and realized that I had drunk away the last ten years of my life, and now I was 68 and my time left was limited. It was scary. Ironically, it has made me more selfish and less willing to dutifully do things that I hate like weddings.
Wow, what a story. I'm sorry you went through all of that, but it seems things are better now. So your definition of an adult is tied with taking responsibility for your actions, right?
The definition of an adult for an addict is breaking the addiction. I'm referring to life-destroying addictions like alcohol, cocaine, opioids.
Right. That makes perfect sense. Thanks for the clarification. I’m very happy for you!
The three M’s. Marriage, Muffins, and Mortgage.
Oh... well, at least there’s muffins!
Kids....once you have kids, every day feels like an exercise in someone else shoving adulthood in your face.
On a purely practical level, you can try and have kids while staying disorganised and impulsive, but it will flatten you :)
On a psychological level, kids force you to think about someone else more than yourself. Perhaps this is the essence of growing up?
Perhaps. It definitely has to do with responsibility. Of this, at least, I'm sure. Now, maybe that responsibility can come in many forms, or maybe there are some kinds of responsibility which lead more towards maturity than others. I know that as soon as I started picking up various responsibilities and seeing to completion tasks related to these responsibilities with nothing but my own capabilities, my confidence really grew and I started to feel like I had what it takes to face the world on my own.
I think those must be two essential elements of growing up - Taking Responsibility and belief in your own abilities.
Exactly. NOTHING else will catapult you into growing the F up faster or more fully. When we brought our first child home from the maternity ward I remember a mixed sense of joy and dread. I sat beside him in sheer panic mode that I was now forever going to have my heart and soul locked into this tiny persons every breath. I understood how the weight of all the rest of my life was now intrinsically woven into another person. If I was to stay wed to his father or not, I was and would always be his mother.
I remember freaking out that he might stop breathing to the point that I would get up to be sure. I also learned how having pets is a distant second to becoming a parent. I learned also though that this new career as a mom would push every button, test every aspect of my character and was the hardest thing I ever had or would have to undertake.
He bought his own first house a few years ago and was married to his high school flame just last month. I kind of encouraged him to pop the question for two reasons: they are in their mid twenties and if she’s not the one he should let her know and since they both put all they had in time and savings into getting the house I thought it only fair that she have the shared legal authority to that investment.
Those changes made me feel proud but also a bit sad. No matter what happens, I remain his mother.
At no time during the past 28 years of being a mom did I achieve perfection. Turns out they don’t come with instructions, nothing goes the way you envision, it’s way harder than you think it will be but gives you unbelievable joy. I recall moments where I felt such deep love and joy that I thought all of life’s foibles were well worth any temporary agony they caused just to have that perfect moment.
If you don’t have kids but love a pet, multiply that by infinity and then you’ll begin to grasp the terrible, wonderful, draining yet fulfilling aspect of parenting.
Spoiler alert: you get to relive being a child through them too.
I don't think I've gotten there yet haha!
Haha, that's okay. Plenty of time for that!
Moving to America 2014, quit meat & alcohol, became a devout yogi